


Let Go

by AgeOfAlejandro



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Gen, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-29
Updated: 2012-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-30 06:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/328992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgeOfAlejandro/pseuds/AgeOfAlejandro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"'Let go'? You actually," Remus laughed, almost stumbling on a chair, "want me—the dangerous mongrel half-breed—to let go?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Also implied Remus/Sirius.

"Why won't you _let go?_ " Snape snarled, flinging another scarlet hex at Remus, who dodged. "Fight back! Show that Gryffindor bravery!"

" _'Let go'_? You actually," Remus laughed, almost stumbling on a chair, "want me—the _dangerous mongrel half-breed—_ to let go?"

Snape growled, hurling another one as they danced and spun around the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. A jar of flour shattered behind the werewolf, showering the counter and Remus's back with glass and white dust.

Remus laughed again, ignoring the shards pricking his skin though his shirt, "Do you ever wonder why I don't 'let go,' as you put? Because who knows what could happen? _I_ don't know what could happen. I don't know if either of us would survive the encounter."

"Would the _wolf_ in you would come out?" Snape spat derisively.

Remus looked suddenly weary. "No. This close to the full moon, my grip on my emotions is frayed; I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't even sit still. It starts to wear on my control. Letting go—letting that snap—would expose every resentment, every anger, every pointless, destructive, exhaustion driven feeling. Letting go means letting it _out_. You don't want that." There was a certain sadness to his voice.

Snape fired off another hex. "Let it out _,_ Lupin. You have nothing to loose; _we_ have nothing to loose. No one would miss an aging werewolf and a murderous old Death Eater _,_ " he sneered, almost to himself.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Snape?" he asked, clumsily pushing himself off out of his crouching position and avoiding a splintered ruin of a chair. "You hate yourself far more than anyone else does – you do good work, horrible arsehole or not."

"What you do in my place, werewolf? I cause the death of the woman who had once been my best friend." He laughed bitterly at Remus's _O_ of surprise. "You didn't know that, did you? She still means everythinng to me and I have her blood on my hands. I am responsible for it _all_."

"You blame yourself too much," said Remus, watching the other man like a cat, waiting for the slightest indication of Snape's next move. "And I betrayed someone just like you did."

"And who would _that_ be," he asked, gauging how far he would have to push the werewolf until he gave in or gave up.

"Sirius," Remus said quietly. "I...don't think he knew what he meant to me, ever. And yet I believed, just like everyone else did, that he was responsible for Lily and James' deaths. That he had lied to us, spied on us, betrayed us."

"What is your penance?" said Snape sardonically, moving his arm across his chest in sweeping movement and snapping it down.

"The knowledge I could never be what he needed after Azkaban,. That I am never, ever going to be good enough." Remus gasped after he tumbled sideways to avoid a sparkling black spell. "That _I_ of all people, let him suffer."

"Oh, you are right that you will _never_ been good enough, little mongrel. You have never meant anything to anyone, even your friends. You were the token Other. You were the sign that Black and Potter were different, that they were good, that they were not evil. An empty friendship you still cling to."

" _I was not!"_ Remus snarled, slamming the table towards Snape. "I was their friend and they were mine! We would have died for each other!"

"Ah, _you_ would have. They would not have returned the favor. You would have been sighed over for a week and then forgotten like a broken toy," Snape said, a cruel smile playing on his lips. "Had it been your life or theirs, they would have sacrificed you like a lamb. They would have left you to die like the dog you _are."_

He drew breath to speak again, but was abruptly cut off when the table shoved him against the wall. Remus was pushing it harder and harder against his midsection.

" _Going to crush me to death?"_ he asked, gasping for breath and leaning down over the wood to ease his breathing. He could feel the pressure on his organs, pushing them against the walls of his body. _"Going to prove them right about your ki-i-i-ind?"_ He let out a trickle of hysterical laughter. "Am I finally, finally going to die?"

"I _hate_ you," Remus breathed, a look of fury on his face. He pulled the table back and Snape slumped down the wall, laughing again.

"You're hardly the only one," he said manically, clutching and curling up around his belly. His eyes widened as the table flew at him once again and for a moment he was convinced he was going to die. It stopped centimeters before his face.

"I _hate_ you so much," Remus's cracked voice echoed against the wall. "I can't even describe the intensity with which I loathe you. It's people like _you_ who make men like Fenrir, who create monsters. I will never, ever be what you try to create. I will not be bound by your expectations of a werewolf and I will _never_ be a monster."

There was the sound of boot step moving away from him and the whine of the door hinges opening. The door slammed shut and Snape was alone, cradling his bruised body.


End file.
